In what can only be described as a digital-age tragedy, a flight bound for nowhere-in-particular erupted into flames shortly after takeoff, thanks to the catastrophic actions of a woman in seat 18C who recklessly neglected to switch her smartphone to airplane mode.
Sources report that the woman, whose identity remains as shrouded in mystery as the reason people clap when a plane lands, was last seen scrolling through her social media feed—utterly oblivious to the technological Armageddon she was about to unleash upon flight XP-101.
Eyewitnesses aboard the aircraft recall a flight attendant making the pre-flight announcement, her voice a soothing cocktail of authority and Xanax as she gently reminded passengers to turn off their electronic devices or switch them to airplane mode. Yet, the woman in 18C, ensconced in her window seat and enraptured by the latest cat video, ignored this directive with the nonchalance of a cat ignoring its human.
The resulting explosion was both immediate and spectacular, a searing pyrotechnic display that has since gone viral, ironically thanks to other passengers’ smartphones that were, in fact, properly set to airplane mode.
Investigators have been quick to point out that actual scientific evidence linking non-airplane mode devices to in-flight conflagrations is as scant as legroom in coach. However, in the court of public opinion, the verdict is clear: the woman in 18C is guilty of technological heresy.
Aviation experts have taken to the airwaves, their brows furrowed with the weight of wisdom as they gravely remind the public of the importance of digital flight etiquette. Meanwhile, tech pundits speculate whether the woman’s phone was in cahoots with her tablet, which was also reportedly seen with its WiFi defiantly flashing moments before the incident.
Airline officials have issued a statement describing the event as “a stark reminder of the havoc that can be wrought by a single act of wireless defiance.” The airline further announced that all future flights will be equipped with a specialized task force trained to tackle any passenger brazenly flouting the sacred airplane mode protocol.
Surviving passengers have been offered compensation, therapy, and a lifetime supply of “I Turned My Phone Off” badges, a new addition to the airline’s in-flight rewards program.
The woman in 18C was last seen on a life raft, clinging to her now-infamously unruly phone. Reports suggest she’s still scrolling—presumably searching for a signal, salvation, or perhaps the perfect hashtag to capture the moment.
As for the rest of us, let this be a lesson: when the flight attendant speaks, it’s probably best to take a pause from your playlist and pop that phone onto airplane mode. Because while it’s unlikely to cause an inferno, nobody wants to be the next viral villain at 30,000 feet.
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